Today I want to share something deeply personal that might help someone out there who’s going through a similar struggle. I’m talking about infertility—a journey that my wife and I walked for six long years.
The Painful Road
For six years, we tried to have babies. We would get pregnant, only to lose them. Six losses in total. Each one taking a piece of our hearts. It was devastating in ways that are hard to put into words. We finally discovered that IVF was our path to having the children we desperately wanted.
And what a blessing it’s been. All of our babies were fertilized on the same day, then stored until we were ready for them. Now we have seven-year-old twins, and kids who are four, two, and even a five-month-old baby. Same fertilization date, different birth dates. It’s pretty wild when you think about it.
When I Walked Away
I need to be honest with you all. There was a point in our journey—2015 to be exact—when I walked away from God. In my head, I was like, “Look, bro, you’re letting people who don’t even want babies have them, while my wife and I are here desperate to love a child, and you won’t give us one? I’m out.”
That’s where I was. Done. Finished. Angry.
Then 2017 came around, and we figured out what was happening medically. We did our first embryo transfer with two embryos because statistically, the chances weren’t great that they’d take. But both did. Twins!
The Dilemma of Faith
So there I was, blessed with these amazing twins, knowing deep down it was a gift from God. But I hadn’t changed my beliefs—I had just walked away. I was struggling with not wanting to be a “fair-weather follower”—you know, someone who’s only good with Christ when things are going their way.
What do I do now? I didn’t want to be a hypocrite.
That’s when God sent someone to help me find my way back. A man who put his arm around me, mentored me, and discipled me back to God. I had a lot of baggage, but God was patient with me.
In my heart, I could hear Him saying, “I’m big enough for you to throw whatever you want at me. If you want to be mad, that’s fine. I can take it.” So I told Him everything on my mind—and trust me, it wasn’t all G-rated.
And you know what? He said, “I love you, son. I’m going to welcome you back because I love you. I sent my son to die for you. I don’t care how upset you are at me; we’re going to work it out because I’m not going anywhere.”
If You’re Struggling Now
If you’re going through infertility right now, I want you to know something: God loves you in the struggle. He loves you in the hard times. Even when it feels like He’s keeping something from you, He loves you.
What we went through was hell on earth. No exaggeration. But now, Beth and I have the ability to minister to and disciple many couples going through the same thing. We’ve had countless couples come to us in tears, and we’ve been able to just love them because we speak this language. Not everyone can talk about infertility, but we can—and we do—because God gave us that trial to bless other people with.
Nobody said being a Christian would be easy. Jesus Himself never said that. So if someone tells you that you should get your way because you follow Christ, they’re lying to you, and you need to run away from that person.
A Message of Hope
God loves you. Whatever you’re going through with infertility—even if it’s been years, like it was for us—don’t give up. We weren’t patient; we were hurt. But God was patient.
If you need to talk about this, reach out. Beth and I have been there. We know how hard it is. We understand the pain, the disappointment, the anger, the questions.
God loves you. I love you. And there’s hope, even in the darkest moments of this journey.
